Barely Legally

Confessions of a Moot Court Bailiff

My Big Fat Empire Strikes Back

So there’s this kid. This nerdy kid. This nerdy kid who likes to pretend he’s got a lightsaber, and do all sorts of awesome jedi moves. Seriously, when you’re a kid, you don’t even care that nothing in The Phantom Menace makes sense, you just want to do the cool lightsaber stuff. So this nerdy kid borrows a camera from his high school library and tapes himself doing all sorts of crazy spin moves. Ah, good times.

But when he returns the camera to the library, he forgets to erase the tape. Classmates see it, upload it to the internet, and The Star Wars Kid is born.

The ridicule and harassment become unbearable quickly: the kid drops out of school, has a nervous breakdown, and vanishes from the public eye. Presumably, he spends much of his time in hiding wishing he had never entered the public eye, but, y’know. If wishes were horses, we’d all be eating steaks. So what can a social pariah do? What castigated caste of castaways (My legal writing professor would have an aneurysm of red ink over that.) would accept such a lowly creature as this Star Wars Kid? Where do you go when no one takes you seriously?

Why, law school, of course.

Yes, the viral video that predates YouTube, the epic lulz that predates even the mighty 4chan, the Star Wars Kid is a lawyer. I’m not even sure I could come up with an angle for this; do I go with snark, ironic detachment, satire, or do some sort of bizarre bildungsroman parody of the Star Wars prequels?

Apparently, I go back to studying for the Bar Exam. Because I’ll be damned if Darth Type II Diabetes is going to make me look bad at anything.