Barely Legally

Confessions of a Moot Court Bailiff

Educated Anonymous

My name is Dominic. I have a B.S. degree in philosophy – a field so useless that the number one result on Google for “philosophy” is a line of skin creams and lotions. When I graduated, I drove ten thousand miles with my best friend on an archetypal coming-of-age road trip around the continental United States.

When I returned, I applied for a job as an assistant manager at a Pier 1, which, I assure you, would have proved much less taxing than analyzing the collected works of Baruch Spinoza. However, my lack of commitment to moving past the bottom rung of the corporate ladder at such fine institutions as Hollywood Video and Aeropostale apparently showed a lack of drive and stick-to-it-iveness that no college degree could provide.

Devoid of any real ambition (my budding musical career notwithstanding), I decided to go back to school. Studying for the GREs were no fun, and the LSAT promised logic puzzles, so I opted for law school. Of course, there’s this hilarious down-time between applying to law school, and so I got a job working at a local sushi restaurant, waiting tables full time to pay the bills, of which I have relatively few since I live with my parents like 40 billion other college graduates who couldn’t find a job before our student loan payments were due.

You know what I don’t like about the movie American Pie? Sex is both the source of the conflict and the resolution to that conflict.

My solution to an education that doesn’t seem to be worth anything to folks who sign paychecks? More education!

My name is Dominic, and I have got to stop going to school someday.